In the light of Your glory.

' please shut my eyes, as the lights invade me ..'

My name is Will De los Santos, and these last few months have been the hardest i've had to face since turning 21 .. so much so, that in many ways it blinded me from many truths in life. i guess you can say i had lost the plot, and it's only really now i've had enough courage and humility to come to grips with what i've needed to do. since the begining of this year, the whole music scene for me has been quite the journey: starbucks, channel 7, opera house, rouse hill, the basement, magnolia bar, parliament house lawns, man the list goes on. and somewhere in the midst of all of that, i felt like one of the three little ducks that lost his way. isn't it funny how the sincerest of dreams can be the ones that seduce us away from the Dreamgiver?

many a time, i would be on stage and feel my soul slipping away with each vocal line, each photograph, each scream or shout from the audience not knowing how in the world to make it stop... and as the lights shone ever brighter on my once warm skin, i grew cold to the things of Him .. to quote the lyrics from a song entitled '21':

'can I come down now, from these broken castles?
the ones i've built with these two hands...'


It was 2 o'clock in the morning as we got on the cold stage in Calwell, Canberra almost 300km away from home. I didn't know why I said yes to even performing there. I guess because i knew it was a 'christian gig', i was hoping for something.. anything really. a word, a wake up call, heck someone to just knock some sense into my dulled down soul. we sang our first two songs .. and upon our third song, something was different .. i don't know what it was, i duno when exactly it happened .. but right then and there, all i wanted - was Jesus Christ.

we got off the stage to a more than appreciative crowd, and as i walked out of the hall, i was tagged by Mal Garvin (Founder/President of the Fusion Organization)...and i'll never forget what he said to me, "God says to you, He loves you, stop trying to fight with Him ..." ..

I didn't know what to say except a teary thank you.. i knew what God was trying to speak through Mal, it was as if there was a God shaped hole in my heart, that i've been trying to fill with my own selfish ambitions .. and it's left me wanting more and more of things that will never, ever quench me ..

we drove back home after a few hours, and on the passenger seat to sydney
- i dreamt of a better me.

i was determined to get to the heart of it all, which meant cutting off whatever was necessary to grasp the things of God, and to be intimate once again, with the only Person who's been constant throughout all my wanderings in life.

as i picked up David, my guitar that friday night, i held him in my hands and remembered all the times we led a young generation into the presence of God together... i was somewhat nervous at the fact that i hadn't led worship in so long, but i remembered the words of a good friend,

'all that really matters, is if your heart's right before God...'

7:40 hit, and we proceeded into worship, it was a different feeling from being on stage at rouse hill or canberra ...it felt like .. home. i'm reminded of some lines from one of my favorite movies:

"All of life is a coming home. Salesmen, secretaries, coal miners, beekeepers, sword swallowers, all of us. All the restless hearts of the world, all trying to find a way home...as the poet Dante put it: In the middle of the journey of my life, I found myself in a dark wood, for I had lost the right path. Eventually I would find the right path, but in the most unlikely place."

i feel i could freeze frame this part of my life and attach the above lines as captions.. "eventually i would find the right path... and find the way home ..."

give me the guitar, give me my David, give me my bible ... let's worship. let's press in to the presence of God. let's wrestle for a touch, let's seek His face and His will. because at the end of the day, that's home for me. it might have taken alot of false dreams, or maybe taken 3 hours from home just to realize it, but that's always been the dream hasn't it? to touch lives, to bring Him fame - it was never about me. never.

and that's so real to me.. because that's all i have. i want to be a vessel for the living God. and though i stuff it up alot, i just want Jesus. i don't want no more false dreams, i don't want bad relationships, i want something lasting, i need something life changing.

and i'll never forget how it felt that last friday night ushering YD into the presence of God..

"there is breakthrough in this place in Jesus name, He can overcome tonight,
He can breakthrough tonight guys, C'mon! let's encounter Him..."

I stand in awe of a God who uses wretches like me, I lift my hands to a God who delivers day in and day out, who works in all seasons, in the heights and in the depths, who greets me with love each morning, who holds my world each sleepless night.. I fall before the presence of a God who woos me back each time i go off and play the harlot with false dreams and ambitions, whose love for me is unfailing.. whose plans for me provide for every single need i have ...

He's taken me through too much garbage, to sit still and do nothing.

I choose not to offer to Him, that which costs me nothing ..

My names Will De los Santos, i'm a worshipper of the Living God.