Memoirs of a Vagabond. Pt 1

I sit here in Room 114 of the Heidelberg Ibis Hotel listening to the sounds of the city as golden rays peep through my open window - marking the end of another amazing day.


Whilst the 40 of the other Choir members went out to dinner, I opted for the solitude. Over the past 6 months, I've found it to be quite essential for a healthy, happy and peaceful soul.

So here I am soaking up all that was, is and dare I say, could be.

"Oh God, its been an undescribable 6 months hasn't it? I look back to reflect but for a moment and find myself overwhelmed by Your grace and faithfulness upon one such as I - and so here I weep gently to myself. My God, You have been the strength of my heart..."

I can not blog about the 'is' of my reflections without first touching upon nostalgia.

Sure enough, yesterdays ghosts may be the very reason why i'm thousands upon thousands of miles away from home.

Home.

Defined as a goal, a place of origin and as a destination - of which I've been graced with a surreal opportunity to be absent from.

In the first 4 months of this year 'home' has been a place of:

- miserable failure
- broken dreams
- crippled relationships
- and depressive thoughts.

and yet, miraculously transitioned within the past 2 months to a reservoir of:

- unwavering hope
- unspeakable joy
- unfathomable grace
- and unconditional love.

I am a recipient of these four ...

and because of this, I feel I can face going back 'home' after this 40 day voyage.

"So many things uncertain, but I can continue living life after my failure ... with a head held high, because He lifts it for me. ( I dare not lift it myself after knowing how feeble I really am). Again I say Lord, You have been the strength of my heart ... I understand I didn't fall from Your grace, but rather amazingly ... plunged myself straight into it."

I ask myself sometimes, would I of learnt the lessons any other way if I didn't fall this hard?
To be honest, I have no clue.

Who am I to philosophize how the Creator grows His creation.

and so with a trembling yet optimistic heart, Lord help me to start ... exactly where I left off.

In Tozer's words " I come trembling, but I do come ..."

( To be cont. )

"I can go the distance."