Somewhere out there. pt 3

in the last 6 days ive:

- slept underneath starry skies on top of the aegean sea
- rode a donkey down santorini peaks whilst the sunset
- danced til the sun rose
- shared music and life with random people
- made music in the company of new friends
- climbed up the hills of patmos, encountered Him at St. Johns Grotto
- had chills ran up his spine at Ephesus
- drank smoothies on the sundeck every hour
- shopped til i dropped in Kusadasi
- slept and slept some more and still woke tired
- made friends with the most beautiful of people
- has forgotten what home somewhat feels like
- lived, loved, cried and smiled on the Aquamarine

...

theres so much more to write ... but all i know is, ive made enough memories to last an entire life time ... seen things that have made me cry, witnessed things that have made my heart beat fast ...

i miss home...

God has been so good... holding me, protecting me, guiding me, loving me and guarding me as the pupil of His eye this whole entire time ..

who wouldve thought ive come this far? not just in the 'overseas' meaning ..

heres some new lyrics..

"no matter where I go,
my heart will be Your home,
You're still all I know,
You're still all I know ..."

...

i will remember the works of Your hand upon my life, my Friend, my God.

You have been the strength of my weak heart.

*tear*

hello sydney.

Somewhere out there. Pt 2

*sigh*

It was actually quite a sad feeling leaving the Contiki group, I cant believe how good of friends one can make in a span of 8 days.

Hugs all around.

So here I am, all out on my own again...

I wish I could blog longer but I'm scraping it for money now ... Ive realized one thing about travelling... I can't make a life out of it.

I use to have dreams about rocking it globally with my music (and what a life it would be!)...
but certainly not for me. The more and more I realize things about myself, the more and more I find out that I am the sort of person that can't live 'spontaneously' for too long. I need to be settled, I need structure.

I guess that's why Sydney, FCF, Family, YD is something i'll always kinda have to be near to, somewhere I can settle.

The other day on the coach back to the Hotel from Liverpool I got to spend time with Him and I reflected on things back home and the dreams that I use to have about ministry etc.

Got teary for a bit. But I remembered what He told me at the Pergamon museum, and I'm still very much optimistic for coming back. (which is a big thing considering at the beginning of this tour, I hated the thought of coming back)

I left the guys today and Karissa left me a small note on my book which I thought was like ... woah.

It left me almost speechless, considering I didnt have any time to discuss my faith with her.

She left me one simple bible reference,

Hey Will,

Here's my favorite verse:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. ^a]">[a] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

Karissa

...


I know He's preparing my heart...

He has been the strength of it.

Somewhere out there ... Pt 1.

*sigh*

this will be a short post ..

Finally started my Contiki trip and am LOVING IT! have single handedly conquered London!! and went through all of York, Oxford, Windsor and trekked through Scotland..

Whilst the choir tour was more of a chase for knowing God more and being intimate with Him, I kind of feel that this Contiki tour is more of a God allowing you.. to know you.

Does that make sense? In the past few days I've been schooled in the studies of 'me'.
How I react to certain things, make decisions, my character etc.

and to be honest ... i'm finding it quite challenging.

It is INCREDIBLY hard to get some alone time on this contiki tour ... though I love the people here, I feel over the past 6 months i've developed into someone who desperately NEEDS solitude daily... and lately I havent been getting it.

I know its not impossible though... I think its just alot harder.

On a more positive note, I have met good people here. One guy named Paul who lives in Manhattan, NY is going to hook me up with a place to stay if i ever decide to go there.

I have made good friends with a group of 4:

Erica - 22 y.o mexican girl
Michelle - 35 y.o lady from Pennsylvania
Paul - 32 y.o dude from NY
Mike - 26 y.o dude from Idaho
Kareesa - 27 y.o lady from Chicago

...

Theyre pretty cool .. i'm one of the youngest in the group but everyones friends here. What I find interesting is that Kareesa actually recited the life of Saul for me whilst reading my tattoo:

"when you were small in your own eyes ..." 1 Sam 15:17

I cant help but feel that a time of reflection needs to be set to meditate upon that verse, especially after a total stranger recites the life of one from the bible who has impacted yours.

*selah*

I thought alot today about coming home ...

...

and im optimistic.

*smiles*

He has been the strength of my heart.

Memoirs of a Vagabond. Pt.5

and so now I sit here in the British Airways executive lounge, waiting for a 6:55 flight to London...

Gosh, can't believe the choir tour is over. What a way to end my last year (hopefully) with the music department.
I can't really describe how I feel and what exactly is going on inside, all I can conclude from the whole trip is that He is so faithful.

I've said it so many times but it's true - He has been the strength of my heart.

*selah*

On the second last day of the tour we went on a 3 hour coach ride to Berlin from Leipzig. I didn't expect too much since the tour was winding down and well, nothing good supposedly happens at the end of a tour.

We were due to visit the Pergamon museum - Ive never heard of it.

It wasn't until they introduced the place to us on the coach that I started becoming really interested in seeing it.

We arrived and recieved the tour, and I learnt that one of the factors that made the Pergamon museum so unique and significant was that it contained monumental artefacts of the ancient world. Huge statues and architecture of several ancient cultures.

So we walked past the Turkey section and the Roman section and I was like yea this is cool! But it wasn't until we got to the Babylon section that I realized that God was trying to speak to me ...

and what I saw there absolutely floored me.

Our tour guide walked us through one of the main entrances to the ancient city of Babylon and showed us the inscriptions on the wall by King Nebuchadnezzer.

It suddenly hit me ... these ancient walls and massive entrance were the same buildings that the Israelites saw as they were taken captive ...

These were the walls they saw when Jerusalem fell, when there heart grew cold to God...

these walls and this gate were the very symbols of their captivity.

Could you imagine what they felt as they walked through those gates not knowing anymore whether they would see home? Not knowing if they'll ever be free.

*selah*

and so I sat down there and chills ran up my spine ... and I remembered parts of the Book of Jeremiah as he wrote to the captives in Babylon...

I cried there at the Berlin Pergamon Museum remembering Jeremiah 29:

After seventy years are completed at Babylon, I will visit you and perform My good word toward you, and cause you to return to this place. For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the LORD, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the LORD, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive...

...

Only those closest to me would know the significance of that verse...

On the ride home I closed my eyes and asked Him, what are You trying to tell me Lord?

I broke down on the back seat of the bus as He whispered,

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you Again I will build you, and you shall be rebuilt ...

I'm bringing you back Will ... "

...

I wept for so long on the back of that bus...

and with a tender heart, I write this now at Frankfurt Airport feeling ready for the next part of my journey...

His love never quits, His faithfulness stretches to the skies ... He never fails.


*selah*

Still running hard. He has been the strength of my heart.

Memoirs of a Vagabond. Pt 4

and so we left Paris and headed for Germany.

On the train to Cologne, I grabbed my notebook, switched on my IPOD and tuned into Him. I started writing down what it's been like for me the last 6 months, and noted every single significant thing He has done for me.

I couldnt stop the tears from rolling down my cheek.

I was reminded of a few verses in Deuteronomy,

"And you shall remember that the LORD your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not...
You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power ... "

I'll never forget all He's been to and done for me at the lowest point in my life.

There were so many times of wanting to give up but for the life of me - I couldn't. There was just too much at stake, something real, something of purpose.

And so I took a deep breath everyday, cried most nights, and held to Him - it was all I could really do...

and Love lifted me.

I recall something that Swindoll said about how when His children are in desert times He guards them as the pupil of His eye - I have felt His very presence guarding me every step of the way.

If it were possible, an interesting thought is maybe He is there for us more or holds us tighter when we're in a place or season in life that just seems too hard.

*selah*

and so we got off the train in Frankfurt, Germany.

( I need to be quick at this, we're getting ready to check out of our Hotel )

The most heart pounding and life changing parts of Germany were:

- The train ride to Cologne meditating and reflecting on His goodness and His faithfulness, i'm pretty sure Tim noticed me crying even with my aviators on.
-The performance at the Fusion Academy in Iserlohn. I couldn't believe the response I recieved from singing a song I wrote called 'This little boy'. One lady came up to me pulled out a notepad and recited the lyrics, I mean she actually wrote the lyrics down word for word as I sang. She then went on to say she was a journalist for a newspaper and planned on doing an article about the song. We blessed so many people that day and I was floored by what He could do even with the simplest of melodies. I was overwhelmed.
-Jamming in the little chapel in the Academy til the early morning
-Grabbing the guitar and worshipping in the Stair case in Frankfurt with Stocko and then breaking out in free worship
-The many zoning out periods on the back of the bus thinking about all He was doing and promises to do

and now finally in Heidelberg - where I got the most solitude time.

I remember yesterday walking the 30 min walk to the castle with nothing but my camera and Tozer's the Pursuit of God.
I sat down in front of the massive river and made a few observations, I noticed how the bridge seperated the mountains from the city.

It's as if it was the drawing line between nature and civilization and no matter how beautiful the architecture or the atmosphere of the city was - it was no match for the sheer beauty of the mountains.

I started to picture all the bridges i've tried to build to God - utterly failing.

Isn't it funny how fast intimacy can be lost with Him? Tozer once said, that there is a central shine in our hearts that only God can fill. We try to 'get closer to God' by our works, or our achievements even weirdly through our shortcomings but the only bridge that gets us closer to God is through Jesus.

Modelling Him, Knowing Him, Dying for Him.

So I sat there by the Necker river, and had a peace come over me. I'm tired of building bridges that continually keep falling - I want to know Him, to pursue Him til I only dwell in Him, til I find Him and invite Him at the very centre of my heart.

And so we had dinner before our performance and I started talking to Tiff, she noticed something about me that just literally left me speechless. We were having a talk about how someone needed to step up for the boys in the group, rally them and pray. She looked at me and said 'I don't understand why you haven't yet done it ... Wesley will be so blessed when you would allow God to use you in that way ...'

I looked at her and said, ' I haven't been in a position of authority for 6 months, and now that the position presents itself ... I feel so very lost. Almost crippled... '

I got up from the table, walked to the bathroom and noticed so many things happening on the inside...

Lord, something inside hurts... that talk affected me so much. It revealed to me how scared I am or might be to actually step up again. Please help, i've gotten so use to fading away in the background that I don't know how it is to be called out anymore ... I've never really felt this sort of feeling before Lord. I'm scared of what's coming for me, the transition out of ministry hurt so much, I don't know how to take the transition back in. Please help me to step up ... I know You've called me and Your promise still stands.
Take away the awful pain i'm feeling. Help me not to shun away from the call.

...

So at the performance, I grabbed my guitar during my solo and went into the crowd.

With all my heart I sang, 'It's worth it brothers, it's worth it friends, to know your Maker, to lose Your sin, did you know that You are dearly loved? ...'

I was crying during that performance knowing that in the middle of the crowd He was singing the song to me...

You're dearly loved Will ...

and so I finished the song with tears in my eyes and added 3 lines at the very end...

"I'll bring You more than a song,
I'l bring You more than a song,
It's all about You Jesus ..."

...

I'm running hard.

Memoirs of a Vagabond. Pt 3

I sit here yet again in front of this borrowed laptop with the Heidelberg mountain air filling my small dark hotel room - I guess chewie had a long day since there seems to be no rustling whatsoever.

Today was an amazing day, but that post will come up soon. I have yet to continue what happened after Seoul.

...

The 12 hour flight to Paris consisted of playing the Ukele and annoying the poor korean soul next to me who wanted nothing but quiet rest, watching Yes man as well as Toy Story and eating as many sandwhiches and cupped ramen as we could. After every single passenger on the plane was annoyed by our antics we finally landed in Neopolitan town.

Now let me just say, i've been to many a hotel in my life but never one that was positioned smack bang in the red light district of the city hmm wait - im pretty sure we had another town like this in munich 2 years ago *shrugz*.

We were only a few minutes walk from the Moulin Rouge and almost every store next to the Hotel had the word 'Sex' in front of it. In this dark, hedonistic, sex crazed spot in Paris, we decided to check in. Ironic, that a Christian group of 40 would be placed in the centre of it all eh?

I grabbed my room mate Jared and was blown away at the view from our rooftop terraces, I mustve taken abit under 500 photos in one day just shooting around at the beauty of the City and it's architecture.

Paris was something sort of magical, we hit up:

- La madeleine Cathedral ( performed in it too )
- Notre Dame Cathedral ( chilled out with the gargoyles and danced with the gypsies )
- The Lourve Museum ( Mona lisa, Winged Victory, Venus De Milo )
- The Eiffel Tower ( Didn't get to climb it, wanted to leave it for someone special, yes yes corny i know )
- Arc De Triumphe ( Took as many jumping shots as we could )
- Markets, Shopping Centres, Metros, Look outs, etc

Most of the time spent in Paris was spent in exploration mode - like a little kid who just wants to see everything I just really went wild. The photos on facebook should prove it.

There were moments that really just took my breath away, *smile* I guess i'm somewhat reminded of that quote from Hitch. "Life is not about the amount of breaths we take, but about the moments that take our breath away", and Paris did it for me.

The simple beauty of the sunset over the Seine, or the architecture of the Notre Dame cathedrals, the Eiffel tower lighting up over the back drop of a pink sky, the Arc De Triumphe with it's golden walls at sunset... but what I loved the most
was getting up early just to witness the sunrise from our rooftop.

I remember getting my guitar out and running to the 9th floor just to be able to worship Him.

and as the sun appeared over the Paris skyline, I felt there was hope. As nature's light touched every sinful sidewalk and every violated street in the area we were staying, I was assured of His presence in my life.

so I grabbed the guitar and sung with all my heart on the rooftop of the Carlton Hotel - and to be able to stand there at that place and time with nothing but a song He put in your heart in the lowest season of your life was nothing short of amazing.

Joy Unspeakable

When I think about Your mercy
And all You've been to me
My heart can not contain the praise inside

So with humble adoration
I've come to worship thee
Who am I that the Great I AM would care for such as I?

For Your loving kindness has been there each season
I'll never fathom Your grace

Then sings my soul
My all in all
You've been my Joy
Unspeakable
What else have I
to offer You

But all my heart
I'm seeking You

For there is hope in Christ alone
He won't fail
His will shall prevail

*selah*

Lord, I am but a dark city waiting for your light to illuminate me. Your faithfulness stands and I am utterly overwhelmed.
























I'll never fathom Your grace.

Memoirs of a Vagabond. Pt 2

It's almost 1am in this dark small hotel room, and I hear tim's hair rustling through the sheets as my fingers tap softly away at this keyboard, the bright lcd monitor is making my eyes heavier and heavier but alas the blog must go on.

Upon sitting here having D&Ms with chewbacca (tim), i've concluded that relationships make a man's world go round. Which is 100% true when you think about it. When one comes to the end of their life and stands before God it's not a question of what you've done that will grant you access into eternity, but rather who you know. (Jesus)

Relationships are vital. Period.

I remember leaving the airport with a group of about 7 of my closest friends, and though maybe I was abit numb to it all - thanks to fatigue, the flu and the hayfever. I went through customs thanking God for the friendships I can still say I have.

Regardless of what has happened with my relationships in the past 6 months, I believe God redeems everything which the enemy stole. In relation to friendships, God is my friend.

That is not to say that He is the only friend He wants me to have, but rather He wants me to trust Him with my friendships acknowledging Him as the very source of all relationships.

Someone once told me that the relationships that we fight for now will matter to us in the end, after these 4 weeks are up, I plan to do alot of fighting.

*selah*

So I boarded that plane for Seoul, and hoped for encounters with Him - the likes of which ive never seen.
I made a new friend straight away with my room mate Jared, a sign I took as God being the source of friendships.

Seoul consisted of:

-Pizza
-Market shopping
-Choir performance

It was very early on during this trip, that I realized that solitude will be essential in a group this big.
Sure it was fun taking the facebook photos, jumping photos, annoying the korean people, getting lost in the palace,
watching justin nearly get beaten by the samurai dude, and justin eating the worm but ...

I guess there were moments in seoul that I just had to take a walk away from the crowd just so I could think clearly or better yet to seek Him. I'll never forget what the special guest speaker back at home said,

"I spent two and a half hours everyday for two years trying to find God ... and do you know what?... I found Him..."

I have spent so much time whinging and complaining to God about this season that I'm in, and now that it's well somewhat finished I feel like I wasted a whole lot of it. I love that one line that the speaker said, "I found Him".

I don't ever want to stop 'looking' for Him.

*selah*

I thought alot about relationships during the 3 days in Seoul, mostly about the ones that I've lost, I was somewhat distracted I guess by this. I guess it's because I'm so use to being in control of a relationship...

"Lord, help me to trust you with my friendships. It hurts not knowing what to expect at times, but all my hope is in You. I will cast all my expectations on You. You will redeem, renew, restore and rebuild that which was taken. I'm banking all of it on You, my forever Friend."

Seoul is continuing to teach me about solitude, and how my heart yearns to meet God there.

To conclude my most favorite part of Seoul is rushing out in the rain to buy Shrimp Burgers with Jared.

Relationships are vital.